[Insert weiner joke here]

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I’m not one to get super political on the interwebs. It’s great that Twitter has helped people organize revolutions and communicate, but generally I don’t like seeing your half-witted political opinions randomly splattered on your Facebook status. But I’ve found myself beyond ticked off today by a certain New York politician and it’s bugged me enough to the point that I want to rant about polidicks and politics.

Two summers ago, Anthony Weiner, representative from New York, tweeted pictures of his penis to a bunch of twenty-something girls and then got caught. At first, he vehemently denied all allegations but then was caved and admitted that it was he who sent the sext. So he resigns in disgrace from Congress just as his wife, Hillary Clinton’s top aide Huma Abedin, announces that Weiner’s little soldiers actually made it somewhere that wasn’t an abandoned Kleenex and that she’s carrying Wee Weiner (side note: my mom literally had an uncle Dick and cousin Dick, obviously referred to as Big Dick and Little Dick). Meanwhile, newspapers across the country have a field day and the following ensues:

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So again, Weiner resigns and goes to therapy with wife and we all forget about him. Because at the end of the day he’s just another slimy politician like our former governor Eliot Spitzer, whose crusade against corruption allegedly cost tax-payers upwards of $80,000 to fuel his addiction to “Kristin”. Let’s not forget Bill Clinton and Silvio Berlusconi. Lots has been written about men in power and a lust for prostitutes or a habit of cheating. At one hand, yes, cheating and marital woes are a private matter and I respect that. But when you’re a politician, people are looking at you to keep your sh*t together, to not spend your time galavanting with whores on the tax-payer’s dime, and certainly not being two-faced about the whole thing when your messages end up online or tweeted to the wrong account.

Lots of people have forgiven Bill Clinton and the ones who haven’t were out for him anyway. People give second chances. And so when Anthony Weiner announced this spring that he’s running for mayor of New York City people seemed to put the dick-tweets aside and listen to his plans for a post-Bloombergian New York. He quickly jumped to the head of the polls – he’d done his time, seemingly worked things out with his wife, had a kid, and was taking weiner-jokes in stride. He had apologized, served his time, and it was time to move on.

But then we find out this week that all last year (2012), after apologizing and all that, he continued to sext with some 22-year-old? Really? Sexting? Are you 15?

But Weinergate round deux is different because Huma throws us a curveball and holds a press conference begging voters to disregard this little hiccup and to take her husband seriously. She says they’ve worked it out and they’ve come a long way since the first tweet two years ago. What is up with this woman? What are you doing with this loser? And defending him? Something is wrong here.

This whole scandal bothers me because I hate that I’ve mulled over it this much, that I’ve been forced to think of Anthony Weiner’s dick more than I ever should have had to, that on one hand what he’s doing isn’t the worst thing in the world and I really shouldn’t care because it doesn’t technically affect my life in anyway and this is AMERICA and we should all be free to sext or scour craigslist for anonymous quickies as we please…but then don’t run for mayor?

This seems to be a lack of self-control on the part of Weiner, and mayor of a city of New York, in my mind, should possess self-control, awareness, and common sense. When you’re a politician who got caught tweeting your dick and went through all these lengths to win back public sympathy and show that you’ve changed you’re way, why are you dumb enough to do it again? You’re a moron! Get it together and stop dropping trou in the locker room.

I hate judging politicians for choices they make in their personal lives, because plenty of people cheat and sext and send lewd photos on snapchat or craigslist or partake in a million sexually devient activities and aren’t forced to resign from their jobs or endure public scrutiny. Politicians and celebrities shouldn’t have to suffer more than the average-joe just because they are in the public eye.

But that’s just a reality and it’s part of the job description. People don’t want to see politicians with a flagrant lack of control because we count on them to be in charge of our best interests and it’s hard to do so when you’re out sticking it to Candy from Boobie Bungalow and going through great efforts to cover it up from your wife and from your constituents.

So Anthony Weiner – just go away. I don’t know if you’re a sex-addict, Quagmire in real life, or just that pervvy uncle who still goes to nightclubs and buys shots for underage ladies. But I’m not voting for you for mayor of New York because you can’t keep it together for yourself, for your wife, or for your kid, who you are setting up for a lifetime of teasing and dick jokes like never before. Zip it up, keep it in your pants, and bugger off so that some other shmo can have their chance at New York City tyranny.

About alicestockwellegan

Language and culture enthusiast from New York living in San Francisco.
This entry was posted in America., Musings, Play-on-Words, Rants, Uncategorized, WTF and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to [Insert weiner joke here]

  1. Huh..Huh…Huh,,, you said Weiner… huh.. hu.. huh..

  2. Pingback: Subway Horrors | Language and other musings

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