Like many young Americans, my parents shipped me and my siblings off to New England summer camps in the days of our youth. Email was still pretty new, and our camps were rather rustic, so snail mail was how we communicated with our parents and friends while we were away for the summer. My brother, Nicholas, was an interesting kid, and while going through boxes of stuff a few years ago at my parent’s house, I came across old ridiculous letters that Nick wrote to me and the family from his camp in New Hampshire. I say to me and the family because one of them is a xerox copy of a letter he wrote to Mom and Dad requesting that they forward the letter to me because his “hand hurts from writing”. The kid really knew how to cut corners.
I’ve put in bold my favorite parts of the letters. I also sent this in to a Gawker weird-sh*t-you-and-your-siblings-drew-or-wrote-when-you-were-little contest and they got a bunch of likes. All spelling and grammar has been kept as Nick wrote it.
Hey Alice, its Nick your Brother. Today is my like fourth day hère. Im having fun. In leather Im making a swiss Army kniffe holder. I learnd sailing, kayaking. And other stuff. Last night we went to Pine Point and made smores. I tried waterskiing and hated the living and non-living turd and crud out of it. Everyone here is from Small town in Massechusets and New Hamsire. One is from Alton Bay, the town the cams in! One of my freinds is from Yorktown Heights. Hope ur havin’ fun!
[Followed by picture of 4 boys and with an arrow pointed at one saying “butthead”. No further explanation]
I’ve been meaning to write…well, more like waiting for you to write me. Anyway, I’m having a great time. I’m averaging 3-4 showers a week I’m brushing my teeth better than at home even. I have one cunselor I really like and the CIT is one of my friends from last year. All of my cabin from last year is back exept for Harrison. It sucks, but on the other hand Thomas said he’s been a big craphead. How is Jacki? I’m not stupid but you told me you brought your cell phone. One kid in my cabin is sooo annoying! He sits at my table. Here is an example of how annoying/stupid he is.
ME: (Eating grilled cheese, almost done)
HIM: Wow, these grilled cheeses sure are good!
ME: Yea, Mark, that’s why I’m eating it!
HIM: Yea, you wouldn’t say to the grilled cheese “I hate you!” and then bite into it and say “This is good!”
ME: (Being so fed up with him I say “mhmm” in that way like “gee, that was stupid, what a waste of time”, leave the table and fill up my glass with ice.
Another Mark in my cabin A.KA. Coleslaw (his last name is Khos-la) is just as annoying but in a different way. We both hate each other but talk to each other anyway. Word is he has a candy stash hidden some in the camp and me and my friend Aaron Witherspoon are going to find it, bust him, get candy from our counselor. I’m going somwhere with Thomas on visiting day, don’t know where.
Well next I going to a canoe battle then to pottery. I’m about to die because it is rest hour and two of my cranky counselors are sleeping. If they Wake up (if we Wake them up, they’ll send us to bed at 8:00 pm! Well I’m about to go mail this letter. Bye!
Hello my patriots…PFFTHHH!!
Hey family! (to lazy to write names)
Mom thank you for the stupid letter insulting TJ the DJ. It was very stupid. If I didn’t know you and I read the letter I’d would have thought you were a 66 year-old republican from Lake Forest…By the way I was asking Z-100 for Mr. Toodles.
Thank you for Catch Me If You can. It came the same day as the letter I never finished. This one [Arrow points to the letter that mom wrote that apparently pissed Nick off].
There is one kid I really hate. And one counselor I really like. Yesterday I did the Little Mark swim. 1.5 miles. God knows how tired I was. Right now it is rest hour and my friend from last yera who is now my intern is letting me listen to his C.D. player. I’m listen to some 80’s song by a flock of seagulls from the Vice City soundtrack. I love this song, even though all the lyrics I can hear “I run I run so far away”. Down load it for me. Allso download “Crazy Game of Poker “by O.A.R. It’s really good too.
Next I’m going to Leather, then sailing. This morning I was sailing with a kid I think I hated last year but is actually pretty nice.
So much love (I’ll leave out the #!’//? This time)
***Send this letter to Alice!!! My hand hurts from writing.
PS-Send me Mad Magazines not the 50 Worst things about Movies issue.
PPS—The song is called “I Ran” by A Flock of Seagulls. That is why it says “I ran on top of the paper. I didn’t actually run.
I got mail, yeeaahh!! I got mail, I got mail, I got mail, yeeaahhh!!